Thinking of you
by BlueOcean44
Summary: Life for Lisbon, Jane, and the team after Jane kills Red John. Picks up after the episode "Red John". Jane/Lisbon romance, sadness, and missing each other. Will be multi-chapter
1. Chapter 1

I'm going to miss you...

That sentence was the only thing Lisbon could think about. It consumed her. At first she accepted Jane's absence. It was easy to ignore all thoughts of him. She was caught up in cleaning up the mess he made. Her and the team were left jobless and arrested. The FBI refused to release them from custody for the first week. Then, like magic, Abbott strolled into their holding cell and told them they were free to go. They all got out of there as fast as they could. All smiles and joy. Until reality hit them. Especially Lisbon.

"Do you guys want to share a cab?", asked Rigsby.

"Nah, that's alright. You and VanPelt go ahead. Cho and I will share", Lisbon answered back.

Their cabs arrived. VanPelt and Rigsby left first.

"See you guys tomorr-... well actually I don't know when", said VanPelt.

"See you sometime, hopefully soon", added Rigsby.

"Yep", replied Cho.

"Bye", added Lisbon with a small smile.

Once in the cab Cho asked, "so what are we gonna do, boss?"

"...Honestly...I have absolutely no idea." Lisbon began to think about Jane, but quickly pushed those thoughts away. No, thinking about Jane would only add more stress and heartbreak that she didn't need right now. She quickly turned to face the window. Her eyes began to glisten with unshead tears. If Cho noticed, he didn't say anything.

The rest of the cab ride was spent in silence.

The cab stopped at Lisbon's apartment.

"Alright, I'll talk to ya later."

"Right. Later."

Lisbon exited the car and it sped off. She pulled out her keys, unlocked the door, and entered the dark apartment. The first thing she noticed was the quiet. She was so alone now, without the team. Without him.

Lisbon threw her purse and jacket on her sofa. She walked straight to the bathroom and turned on the bath. She needed it. She hadn't had a proper wash in over a week. She gathered a glass, a bottle of wine, and the current book she was reading.

She walked into her bedroom and stripped down to her underwear. She threw her bra and panties on her bed, where they fell and slid onto the floor. Little did she know, her clothes had knocked over something special left for her. The item fell to the side of her bed, covered by the clothes.

Lisbon slowly lowered her body into the steaming water. It felt amazing. She poured herself a glass of wine, took a sip, and laid her head back to rest on the tub. Her mind was consumed with thoughts of Jane. She gulped the rest of the wine down in one go. Now, in the solitude of her apartment, she finally broke down. The tears immediately started rolling down her rosy cheeks. Silent sobs racked her body. She tried her hardest to hold in her cries. She succeeded for about 5 seconds. Then her mouth burst open. She rested her head on her folded knees, wrapped her arms around herself, and closed her eyes. She couldn't stop. She was all alone.

Jane had finally left her. How could she be so naive. She actually thought Jane would resist the temptation to kill Red John. She started to believe that he would hold out for her. He would restrain himself. She laughed, who was she kidding. Of course she didn't matter that much. Revenge was Jane's number one goal in life. Why. Why did she have to fall for him. She was Stupid. How could she be so stupid.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey readers! I love this story, so I'm going to try to update it often. Please review, I want to know what you guys think. Also, if you have any suggestions please feel free to post them.

Her head bolted up. Her first thought was shit, I'm going to be late for work! Then it all came back to her. She must've fallen asleep in the tub. She was shivering. She didn't know how much time had passed. The water was cold and unpleasant. She stood up and pulled a towel around her body. She took a step out.

"Ow! Damn it. What the hell."

She looked down at shattered pieces of glass around her foot. She must've knocked her wine glass over and broke it. And now her foot was cut up. Great. She carefully stepped over the pieces with her other foot. Then grabbed another towel to press against her bleeding foot. Lisbon sat down on the toilet seat and uncovered the damage. She had a couple pieces of glass lodged in her foot. Nothing serious though, no need for stitches. She bandaged her foot up, then moved to the bedroom to get dressed. The bedside clock read 3:28a.m. She couldn't believe it. She had slept for a solid five hours in the tub. Lisbon threw on some old sweats and collapsed on her bed. She was still so tired, but her mind wouldn't stop running.

What was she going to do about her team? Her job? What about Jane? She had no way of trying to contact him. He had no phone. It had been a week. And no contact from him. Just the brief message he left for her. A week in that FBI hell hole. A nationwide manhunt was in effect for Jane. Every news and radio station talked about Red John, the CBI, and Jane nonstop. Reporters were camped outside the CBI and FBI. Thank God they hadn't found out where she lived. Lisbon's life had already been turned upside down enough. She didn't know what to do with herself. What was she supposed to do without Jane? Her best friend, her partner, the man she had carelessly fallen in love with. She told herself to never rely on anyone. But slowly, Jane wiggled his way into her heart and never got out. She didn't know what to do without him by her side. She was pathetic and weak. She was just fine before Jane entered her life. She was fine being alone. He pushed his way into her life. Made her feel things she shouldn't have been feeling. Pushed her out of her comfort zone. Did all these things to her and she still wanted him. Then, like everyone else, he left her. Like she meant nothing to him. She wanted to help him, let them face Red John together. Didn't she deserve at least that much? She trusted him. She trusted him with her heart. And even her gun. If she meant anything to him why did he push her away. They should've stopped Red John together. Instead, he attacked McAllister. God, she couldn't believe Jane. He actually killed someone with his bare hands. He strangled the life out of someone. He had turned himself into a killer. No matter how much McAllister deserved it, Lisbon couldn't accept it. Jane was now a criminal. He could never be free in America again. He could never visit her or bring her coffee. Make her smile, solve a case, make her yell at him, or be incredibly sweet and thoughtful like he sometimes was. And most importantly, they could never be together. Everything had changed and it would never be the same ever again.

She willed herself not to cry again. She had already shed too many tears for him in one night. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply for a long time. Eventually, her eyelids started to droop and she drifted off into oblivion.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Here's the next part. I'm finally uploading it. Sorry for the wait! I don't know if I like it or not. But the chapters ahead are going to be better. I need to figure out what direction I'm taking this story in. Thanks for reading!

Takes place 6 months after Red John in Jane's POV

"Wake up" He felt the soft feminine caress of the blonde curls on his head.

He moaned, "mmmmm. That feels nice."

"Jane, I told you not to fall asleep. We have a case."

"Ugh, Lisbon. Can't we stay in bed for five more minutes?", he said smiling

"I need you. I need you to get up now. Please Jane. I miss you."

"What? What are you talking about? I'm right here. You miss me?"

...

"Lisbon?"

...

"Lisbon!" Jane sat up, screaming her name. He opened his eyes. _Damn it_. It was just a dream. Of course he wasn't back at the CBI with her. He spent almost every morning waking up like this. To find he was living in a nightmare and not in a dream with her. Every time he dreamt of her, it was like being tortured. She was so real and so soft. Sometimes she would be laying with him. Or sometimes they would be relaxing at her apartment. Or bantering in the car on the way to a crime scene. Either way, she was always radiant. Her face lit up every time she looked at him or laughed at one of his jokes. She always initiated some form of contact between them. And then it would all come crashing down when she would tell him that she missed him. She would beg him to come back to her. It was all so frustrating and confusing. Yet, it never ended.

He rubbed both hands over his face. Time to get up. Today he planned to write Lisbon a new letter. He had sent two so far. They were short and to the point. He wanted her to know he was alive and safe. There was so much to say. So much unsaid and so many feelings to share. He simply couldn't write them down. He didn't want to cause her more heartbreak. Well, he had no right to assume that her heart was broken. Maybe she had found a better job. With a better partner and she even had a boyfriend who adored her. He scoffed, who was he kidding. She probably hadn't given him a second thought. There really was no way of knowing what she was doing. And that fact was pure torture to him.

He sat down, pen in hand, ready to begin writing.

_Dear Lisb-_

No. He couldn't address her as Lisbon. She deserved more than that. She deserved something more personal.

_Dear Teresa,_

_I'm doing okay. Alive and well. _

No! He couldn't write that. It sounded like a distress call. Okay, time to be honest. But he couldn't really write that he had been dreaming about her every night. He would just have to write what came to mind.

_Dear Teresa, _

_I miss you. The days are long and the nights are even longer. I try to get out and walk around town. I try to experience some form of human contact. I know you wouldn't want me to sit all day, alone. _

_I have met a couple of nice people. They all speak Spanish, so it's a little difficult communicating. I have eggs for breakfast. And tea of course. I find myself enjoying the smell of coffee. I guess... I guess it reminds me of the CBI and the team. But especially, you. _

_I hope you read my other letters. _

_I don't really know what to say. What am I even allowed to say, after what I have put you through? I hope you know that I meant what I said in my first letter. You're the most important person in my life. I want you to find happiness. _

_I'm so sorry. _

_With all my love, _

_J_

Well, that's as good as he could come up with at the moment. He couldn't tell her what his true feelings were. What if she was happy now? Finally away from him. No hindrance at work, no mess to clean up after a plan gone wrong. He was going to drive himself absolutely insane. What if she was hurt? Or in a coma? Or dead? He needed to know if she was alright.

"Señor Jane!", Jane's friend Mario said with a smile.

"Hola Mario. I need a huge favor", Jane said defeated.

"Of course. Whatever I can do for you. I will. "

"I need you to contact someone for me."

"Alright. Who?"

"Look, is there any way for you to get to California. In America?"

"Woah. Mister Jane. I have a job here and things to do."

"I know. I know. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. If you could get there, you would be reimbursed exponentially. I have people who owe me money." Jane said hurriedly.

"Well, I might have one option. Can't you just call and make your arrangements?"

"No. I certainly can't do that. If I call any of my friends, the FBI will know. My friends will get into trouble. Please, it is the most important thing to me. I need something."

"Okay. I will see what kind of arrangements I can make."

"Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me."

**TBC thanks again for reading! Let me know what you thought of this chapter. Thoughts on what Mario is doing for Jane? **


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hi everyone, sorry this is so late. This chapter is a flashback for both Jane and Lisbon. Thanks for the reviews and follows!

_One year ago..._

"What are you doing?", Lisbon said smiling.

"Nothing. Just keep your eyes closed. Hey! No peeking.", Jane replied.

"My eyes are totally closed. And besides, your hands are covering them."

"Right", he said with a smirk.

"So where are you taking me?" Jane was leading Lisbon somewhere unknown to her.

" .Lisbon. Tisk, tisk. When will you ever learn how to actually enjoy a surprise?"

"Maybe if you weren't the one doing the surprising I could relax", she said while laughing.

"Lisbon, I'm hurt", Jane retorted sarcastically.

"Shut up and give me the surprise."

"Okay, Agent Lisbon. Whatever you say."

He touched her with something freezing. "Oh! God! You did not just do that!" Lisbon smacked his hands away from her face.

"Actually, I think I did." Jane was laughing out loud and running away from her.

Lisbon opened her eyes. He had smashed a snowball down the front of her shirt. "Jane! I'm going to kill you." She started to chase after him.

He rounded the corner of the hotel building. He had led Lisbon outside, at night, just so he could start a snowball fight. Jane crouched down, behind a bush, and waited for her to appear.

After 10 minutes and no sign of Lisbon, Jane started to worry. He got up and walked around the corner. No Lisbon there. Now he was afraid something had happened to her. He tried calling her cell phone. No answer. He dialed Rigsby's number and put the phone up to his ear.

"Hello, Jane?", Rigsby answered.

"Yea, hey. Have yo- ooooooff" something barreled into Jane's back, knocking him to the ground. He couldn't believe it. Someone was attacking him, while his friends with guns were sitting in their hotel rooms. The person pushed his face into the pile of snow they were laying on.

"You son of a bitch. I can't believe you", he heard Lisbon say.

"Lmmmzzzbnn?", came Jane's muffled reply.

"Yes it's me you jack ass. I really thought you had something for me", Lisbon replied exasperated. She got off of him and pulled his head out of the snow.

As soon as he was free, he whipped around and pushed her back into the snow. In the process he winded up laying right on top of her. Now they were face to face.

"I do have something for you", said Jane.

"What, more snow?"

"No", he replied seriously. His face was so close to hers. She could feel his hot breath touching her lips. He was leaning closer and closer. Her eyes closed unconsciously. Their lips were about to touch...

"Jane?" "Boss!"

Lisbon's eyes flew open once she heard the voices of Rigsby, Cho, and VanPelt. Her hands immediately went to Jane's chest and pushed him off. He rolled to the side of her body.

"We were just...", Lisbon answered trying to come up with an excuse.

"Playing in the snow, obviously", came Jane's retort.

"No! We were not playing!"

"Ha, Lisbon. Then what-"

"Okay woah. Woah", interrupted VanPelt.

"We just came out here to make sure you were all right. I heard a scuffle when you called me. I got worried when you didn't respond, so we came out to check it out", said Rigsby.

"I was fine until Jane led me out here and hit me with snow."

"Come on Lisbon, admit it. You loved it."

"I did not love any part of it. You jerk." Lisbon got up and stomped back to her hotel room. Leaving the rest of the team speechless.

"You're an idiot", Cho remarked.

Rigsby was trying to hide his smirk, while VanPelt shook her head at Jane.

"Lisbon! Open up!", Jane yelled her name while banging on her door.

No reply.

"Lisbon, come on. It was just a joke. I really did have something to give you.

Liiiiiiiiiiiiisbon. Lisssssdbooooon. Open. Open up. I will stay out here all night."

Suddenly, her door swung open. Revealing a pissed off Lisbon. And before Jane knew what was happening a wave of water drenched his head. He opened his eyes to see her smiling and holding an empty vase.

"So what is it?", Lisbon asked.

"Thank you for that, Lisbon. What is what?", he asked her quizzically.

He found her slamming the door in his face. She didn't make it in time. Jane managed to put his foot in the doorway, halting her movements.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to make you some of my famous hot chocolate.", he finally answered.

"That was your stupid plan? Get me outside in the snow to make me cold, so I would want your hot chocolate?!"

"Well...yes. I suppose."

"Fine", she gave up. "It worked I'm cold. Give me the hot chocolate."

"Oh no no no. I have to make it specially for you."

"Whatever come in then."

"The ingredients are in my room. Come with me."

"Okay." She followed him out the door and into his room.

"Just sit down and relax, while I prepare the beverages", he told her while drying his head off.

No response from Lisbon. He turned around and realized she was asleep on his bed.

"Well then, I guess it's time to sleep."

He pulled a blanket over top of her body and laid down next to her. It was the first time he went to bed smiling in a long time.

**TBC, just a little bit of fun for a change. Lisbon and Jane are too sad without each other. Let me know what you think :)**


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